The Art of the Flirt
by yararebird
Summary: A short, punchy, smutty, funny one-shot for a friend, and all the other Kit/Jude shippers out there. Set during her time with the Walkers. Emphasis on the smutty.


(This one is a gift for a darling friend. You know who you are. Enjoy!)

The Art of the Flirt

The door banged closed and Jude looked up from the pot of peas she was shelling. "Yar home early." She went back to shelling.

"Yeah." He stood awkwardly in the living room, scratching his head. "Jude?"

"Hm?"

"The uh - the plumber came by today?"

"He did." She gestured to the sink. "Replaced the pipe that rusted through. Says he'll come back Monday to fix yar shower."

"No, no. He's not comin' back Monday."

Jude shrugged. "Well, whenever you want him to come back -"

"Nah. That guy is nevah coming back." He said firmly. Anger crept into his voice - just a little. But she didn't seem to notice. Carried on shelling peas. "Jude."

She looked up, finally realizing he was troubled by something. "What, Kit?"

His face was screwed up adorably. "Did you - did you _flirt_ with the plumber?"

"Flirt?!" She scoffed, taken aback. "I certainly did not. What the hell would give ya that impression?"

"He stopped by the shop to pick up a check." He plucked the bowl of peas from her lap and plopped it on the kitchen table, removing her defense and distraction. "And he said some choice things about you."

"About me? Like what?"

He was having trouble gauging her. She seemed sincere enough. He looked her up and down. A flaring peach skirt and tucked plaid shirt. She was barefoot. "Is that what you were wearing when he came by?"

"Yeah." She was getting irritated. "Kit, what is this about?"

"Stand up."

"Yar crazy!" Her hands slapped her now empty lap. "I don't know what's got into you today, but -"

"I said stand up!" He grabbed her hands and pulled her to her feet, looking at her legs closely.

She jerked her hands free and slapped his upper arm. "You need ta calm yarself, Kit Walker! And explain."

He couldn't figure it out. The skirt ended just above her knees. He scratched his head. "Joe said you...I just thought you maybe had on something...shorter."

She was very pink faced, from anger or embarrassment he wasn't certain. "Tell me exactly what Joe said."

Kit rubbed at his neck. "He said you had a real pair of legs on ya."

She blinked, looked down. "Yeah?" A smile. "Like...he thought they were nice?" Her eyes sparkled.

The fact she found that flattering pissed him off for some reason. " _Specifically..._ he said he wanted ta see how far up they went."

"Oh!" That pink was definitely from embarrassment. "Well…" She turned, poked her own thigh just beneath her shapely ass. "They end about here."

"Jude!"

"What?" She was laughing. "Are you home early accusing me of trying to seduce the plumber?"

"He said he wanted ta drink yar bathwater!"

"That's not hygienic."

"Did you really offer to let him taste yar sweet hot cream?!"

"I made a pie filling! He asked what I was cookin' and yes, I offered to let him taste it. Kit." She was laughing freely, enjoying this way too much, put her hands on his shoulders. "I think maybe Joe was riling you up on purpose. I promise ya neither one of us said or did anything untoward. Kay?"

"That jackass…" Kit turned away from her. "It wasn't fuckin' funny!"

"Kit. I think it's real gentlemanly that you came runnin' home to defend my honor." She paused, realization dawning. "Wait a second. No." She twisted him back to face her. "You rushed home...ta call me a slut!"

"I nevah called you a slut!" He pointed vehemently. "I called ya a flirt. I just wanted ta make sure -"

"I was behaving myself?!" She stepped into his space. "That's rich, Kit. I'm old enough to be Joe's mother. And furthermore -" She poked his chest. "If I _did_ flirt with Joe, he wouldna stopped by yar shop to tell ya about it, that's far sure."

She was a little sexy when she was defensive. "Why not?" He shouldn't have asked.

Her eyes slit and her face went full seductress. "Because I'd be fuckin' the hell out of him right now." She reached past him, close, and grabbed her bowl of peas.

Kit's nostrils flared. "You wouldn't dare."

"I might." She sat primly again. "He had real nice arms."

"Nice arms?"

"And a head full of...grippy dark hair."

"Grippy?!"

"Big hands, too."

"Big hands?!"

"Long, reachy fingers…" She looked dreamily at the peas.

"REACHY!"

"You gonna stand there all day and repeat everything I say?" She snapped a pea.

But he'd never heard Jude talk this way. Never imagined it, really. "You - you don't -"

"Damn. He had a stomach like a washboard." She interrupted him, fingers slipping briskly down a slippery pea hull.

"A washboard?! Jude!"

"And it just so happens I got a load of reeeal dirty laundry what needs a good, hard scrubbin'."

"Stop!" He was hot. Felt sweat on his top lip. This had been a mistake. He should have let it go. Should have recognized Joe was giving him the piss. Certainly shouldn't have thrown an accusation that would swell Jude's ire like this.

"No, you stop!" She brandished a pea at him. "Stop thinkin' I'm some kinda saint. Stop thinkin' I don't have feelings or desires or lust in my heart like a normal woman! Because I am a normal woman, Kit! Maybe you remember me as the pious, Godly nun who lived in a habit and never had a wet dream, but guess what! Those days are ovah! _You_ brought me here. _You_ made me bettah. Made me remember I'm human." And now her eyes were wet and his heart was breaking a little bit. "So you know what? If I wanna flirt with the plumber, or blow the green grocer, or give the fuckin' butcher a handy, or bend over the front porch railing far the milkman to make a _real_ delivery, I goddamn well will!" Her warm brown eyes were dark. The pea shook as it drifted back to her bowl. She calmed.

Kit swallowed. His throat felt tight for some reason. "Jude. I'm sorry. I was way outta line."

"Fuck it." She shelled the pea. Her pouty lips worked.

"I...I didn't know ya felt that way." She shrugged. "Are ya...are ya lonely, Jude? I mean...you know…"

"Am I horny?" She supplied. "I'm a person. So are you. Are you horny sometimes? Answer yar own ignorant question."

He sat in the chair opposite her. Straightened the salt and pepper shakers. "I don't know why it upset me so much. I guess Joe's just such a- "

"Lady's man?" She snipped a stubborn snap end with her teeth. Spat the end into the nearby ashtray. "I know one when I see one, Kit."

"I'm sure ya do." He wasn't sure how she knew, but it didn't seem the time to ask. "And I'm sure ya know when someone's bein' - what'd you call it? Untoward."

She sighed. Let go the ire. Got an idea. "Kit."

"Yeah?"

"Flirt with me." She dropped the empty pea hulls into the bucket beneath the table and set the bowl atop it. Turned fully to face him.

He startled a bit. "What?"

"Go on. Flirt with me. Give me _yar_ idea of what flirting is." She propped her chin on her hand, waiting with a smile.

Kit thought a moment. She was kinda cute like that. This might not be a good idea. "Um...you uh - you got a nice smile on ya."

She rolled her eyes. "Really? Wow. That is the lamest flirt evah."

"Hey!" He was offended. "Hold on. I can do bettah."

"Nope. It's my turn." She pointed at his rolled sleeves. "I dunno if those are what the founding fathahs had in mind when they said 'right to bear arms.'"

Kit's mouth dropped. He looked at his arms. They weren't bad, actually. "Oh, I see." He nodded. Licked his lips. "Okay, okay." He stared at her a moment. "Um…"

"Too slow." Jude's eyes narrowed, appraising him. "I've been thinkin' bout a new wardrobe lately. You sure would look good on me."

Kit slapped the table. "Those long legs must be tired of running through my dreams at night."

"That's getting there." Jude allowed. She winked at him. "Here's one close to home far ya, Mr. Mechanic: I think I might need ya ta give _me_ a tune-up."

"I wouldn't mind seeing what's under yar hood." He leaned toward her on the table, getting a little too into this game.

"I do like a nice smooth ride."

"I could take ya around the block a time or two."

She leaned in, too. "More like...a loooong road trip."

"Baby, I'll take ya cross country."

"Back roads are my favorites."

"Oh, you'll be on yar back."

"Hah!" She blushed, covered her face. " _That_ was good, Kit. Whew!" She fanned her face, laughing.

He nodded. "Yeah, I got the hang of it. I see what ya mean." He stood, headed to the cabinet over the sink.

"About what?"

"If you'd flirted with Joe, you'd be fuckin' him." He toasted her with the bourbon bottle. Pulled down a glass while she laughed. "You want one?"

"Yeah. Two fingers. Wet, please."

"I'll get two fingers wet with you, for sure."

"Kit?" She giggled. Jude _giggled_.

He paused, pouring bourbon. "Sorry. I got carried away for a second."

"Nah, that was...that was a good one. Thanks." She took the bourbon he offered. Took a sip and hissed. "Damn, that's hot."

"I bet you like it hot." He sipped his own bourbon.

She set her bourbon on the table and crossed her legs. He noticed the hem slid a little further above her knee. She saw him notice. "Thinkin' bout snappin' peas with me?" She asked softly.

"Thinkin' bout snappin' garters," he answered.

"Some ladies like that." She swirled her bourbon.

"You one of those ladies?"

"Who said I was a lady?" Her voice was suddenly sultry.

Kit was definitely feeling a reaction to this game. Jude was dangerous. He smiled, trying to come to terms with this sudden attraction. "Maybe we should quit while we're ahead."

"You like head?"

He choked on his bourbon. "Jude!"

She chuckled, rising from the table. She patted his shoulder. "Keep screamin' my name like that. You'll need the practice." At the sink, she hummed, rinsing peas.

Kit watched her, trying not to watch her. Jude _was_ beautiful. Joe wasn't really exaggerating. Kit's forehead creased. Why did it always feel like he was the last one to notice things? And how long had it been since he'd flirted like that? Well, he hadn't ever, really. Hell, how long had it been since he'd been laid? He raised his brows, realizing it had been...a long time. It made him wonder.

"Hey, Jude."

"Hm?"

"Nuns don't flirt."

"I wasn't always a nun."

"Oh." She carried on rinsing. He carried on watching. "How long's it been for you?"

"For what?"

"You know. Since you were...intimate with someone."

She finished rinsing, looking up at the ceiling. "Ah...six years? Seven?" Shook her head. "Thereabouts." She turned off the water and dried her hands.

"Six or seven years." He thought for a moment. "You were still at Briarcliff." He thought a little harder as she busied herself at the stove. "You were still a nun then!"

"I was a shitty nun." She set a plate before him. Flaky crust and the smell of sugar. "I got a sweet hot pie. Wanna taste it?"

Slowly, he looked up at her. There was no flirt on her face, but some kind of uncertainty. Maybe a tinge of fear. She bit her lip, and purposefully not thinking, he reached for her waist, tugging. She gasped, but she didn't stop him.

She felt incredibly real, as if she'd previously only been some kind of installment he saw but didn't appreciate fully. Her hips flared beautifully - all woman. He boosted her onto the table edge and she smoothly pushed the pie slice backward. It slid off the enamel table and onto the floor with a clunk. Neither cared.

Kit was pushing her skirt up her thighs. He _did_ snap a garter - just a little - to hear her hiss of pleasure. Her panties were white, simple. He tugged them down and bared the trim, secret part of her, pulled her closer by the bunched up silk held fast by her garters and dipped his head.

"Kit, _shit_." And his hair must have been grippy, too, because her fingers fisted it hard. He loved it. And she _was_ sweet. And hot. And wet. And a loaded gun. Firmly, he worked her clit side to side. She fell onto her back, let her hair-hold guide his actions. The salt and pepper shakers fell over and rolled onto the floor. He gave her the two fingers he'd promised and a bourbon glass joined the shakers, breaking. "Goddamn you, that's good!" She whined, draped a leg over his shoulder. She seemed keen on an alternating licking and sucking. Her breathy moans were glorious and he could feel her tightening around his fingers. He shifted an elbow onto the table, bumped the other bourbon glass. It teetered on the table edge for a moment, rolling back and forth precariously as the table shook. It fell, and shattered when Jude did.

He soothed his ministrations until her quakes and contractions ebbed. Her clutching fingers, sweaty now, eased their grip on his hair, stroking. A shaky hand wiped at her face and she pushed up on one elbow, looking down at him. She was flushed, and just in time to watch him lick his fingers clean. "Christ, Kit." Her voice was thready, hoarse.

"Jude." Urgency in his voice. "I wanna -"

"I know, baby." She sat up, brushing a drop of sweat from his hairline.

He was plucking at the garters. "How do I -"

"Stop." Smoothly, she slid from the table, steadied against him a moment. He stole a kiss - a first kiss - before she turned and bent pragmatically over the table.

"Oh, hell." He'd never dropped his pants faster. Pushed her skirt up and over her back. Pressed against her and then - "Fucking yes." They groaned in tandem when he slipped inside her. Jude gave a sharp cry once he was fully seated. "God, yar tight."

She moaned pleasure in reply. "Kit, move." Her fingers curled over the table edges, bracing.

"Gimme a minute." He grimaced, leaning over her. His hands stroked up over hips, tugging her shirt out of its tuck and underneath. He needed to feel more of her, her skin. He cupped her breasts in their light brassiere. "You feel amazing, Jude." He whispered in her ear, kissing, nuzzling.

She turned her head to catch his lips. "We have plenty of time before the babies are home from school. Fuck me, Kit."

He gave a test stroke and hissed. "I won't last."

"Ya will next time." She bucked against him. "Ya already been sweet ta me. I wanna feel ya come in me."

"Yar killing me." A kiss, and he gave his first earnest thrust. Yeah, this would not last long. But she encouraged the pace with her little grunts and yelps. Their sweat mingled. He stood to grip her hips and bare down. The table moved noisily with each rampant thrust. It was a remarkable pleasure building in his abdomen and he didn't lie. Time and abstinence had taken their toll. He bent flush to her back, clutched her close, growled into her hair and neck when he came.

Jude breathed heavily onto the tabletop. She reached awkwardly backward to stroke Kit's neck and face. "Lovely," she murmured.

"I'm sorry."

She chuckled tiredly. "Nothin' ta be sorry far."

"I didn't mean for this ta happen, Jude."

She was quiet for a moment. Pushed up on her elbows. "Are ya regretting?"

"No!" He stood, helped her steady herself on shaky legs. "No, that's not what I'm sayin' at all! I just meant…" But he couldn't really remember what he meant. She was so beautiful in the soft light of the kitchen window: hair an absolute mess, cheeks pink, sweaty brow and rumpled attire. He touched her jaw, cupped it. "I think I meant I would have had the first time be a little more...romantic."

"Pfft." Jude waved off his comment. "I'm too old far all that." But he was so vulnerable in that moment, his gentle eyes eating her up. "Aw, Kit. C'mere." It felt wonderful to wrap him in her arms and he hugged her tightly in return. They simply held each other for a long time.

"I didn't even kiss ya." Kit grumbled in her shoulder.

"No, you did! You did." She reassured, rubbing his back.

"I did? I don't remember."

"D'you wanna kiss me again?"

"Yes, please." They smiled while they kissed. After a few seconds, Jude was laughing softly against his lips. "What?" Kit asked, beginning to chuckle himself.

"I dunno." She pressed her forehead to his. "Just...standing here in yar kitchen with my knickahs tangled in my stockings."

His hands had slid beneath her shirt again. He was stroking small circles on her ribs. His own pants and underwear were somewhere around his knees. "We could just take all our clothes off and -"

"Roll around in yar bed?"

"Roll around in my bed, yeah." He grinned, stepping out of his pants entirely. "Until the kids get home."

She gestured, beginning to unbutton her shirt. "Lead the way. Since you've got a uh...compass there."

"Always points north." They laughed on the way to his bedroom, awkwardly climbed onto his bed while kissing. "Hey, Jude."

"Hmmm?" She was pulling him into the cradle of her thighs.

He looked deeply into her soft brown eyes. "Did ya really not flirt with Joe the plumber?"

She nibbled his ear. "Maybe...I flirted a little."

"But you wouldn't have done _this_ with him?"

"No, no, no, baby!" Her legs slid up his hips. "I promise."

He was very nearly distracted when he slid inside her again. But even when she arched against him so invitingly, something daunted. "Jude…"

She sighed in frustration, scratching nails up his taut ass. "What, Kit? What?"

He froze, demanding her full attention to his concern. "You knew the plumber was coming by the shop after here, didn't you?"

She groaned, casting eyes to the heavens. "Kit…"

"I can't believe you!" He was grinning in delighted surprise. "You flirted with him on purpose! You knew Joe would come to the shop running his mouth -"

"Kit, this is absurd." He clamped a hand over her mouth.

"You knew it would rile me up. You knew I would come home ta discuss it. You...you fucking _planned_ this!"

"Yar delusional." She insisted with a whine. "Move, Kit."

"You are a real piece of work, Judy Martin." He wasn't moving yet.

"And you wanted a piece, and I wanted a piece, and you came home early overreacting, and I made ya feel bettah about the whole situation, and we've really had a lovely afternoon,wouldn't you say? But time is ticking, and the babies will be home soon, and we've both got at least one more round in us, although I might have two, and I've still got a bowl of peas ta shell and a pork roast ta cook. So. Could we please?" She gestured impatiently.

"Jeeeesus Christ." But he _did_ finally start moving...and they _did_ have a lovely afternoon.


End file.
